I wrote this meditation on grief after attending my ex-partner's mother's funeral on Friday. I’m standing in the carpark of a supermarket in Royal Oak, Auckland, yelling at an old man in a car. “Stop it. Just STOP IT! ASSHOLE! Leave him alone. Calm down! What the FUCK is wrong with you, JESUS CHRIST!” I’m…
Beauty and bullets: My Ireland
The road leading to one of my father's churches. Ireland 1972 Next to the fresh grave of my beloved grandmotherThe grave of my firstlove murdered by my brotherPaul Durcan Today the world celebrates St Patrick's Day. Covid restrictions permitted, people around the world with precisely no Irish heritage, or a sliver of it, or a…
Women are not a special interest group
I'm thinking about International Women's Day (yesterday for us here in NZ). It's a day I both celebrate and lament. Because women are not a special interest group. We are more than half of the world's population. And the fact that we still have to have a "day", once a year, saddens me. The joy…
Offline Liberation
A couple of months ago I removed myself from Facebook (apart from my author page) and deleted Twitter. I spend a limited amount of time on LinkedIn and Instagram, mostly for my work. I’ve been thinking about how the decision to (mostly) unplug, based on protecting my mental health, saving time, and stopping mindless scrolling…
Soundbites and Clickbait: my experience as a radio journalist
Last month I posted my thoughts about journalism in New Zealand generally, and in a pandemic in particular. I thought today I would dig a bit deeper into my own experience as a journalist and what it taught me - about writing, about humanity, about the media, and about the way we choose to show…
My Mother has Dementia
My mother was diagnosed with dementia almost two years ago. My father found her spooning marmalade into a wine glass. That, along with her slurred words, her frustrated struggle to form coherent sentences, and her propensity to sleep most of the day were early clues. After a puzzling few months during which none of us…
The Memory of Place
For the last 21 years I have holidayed at the same beach on the Coromandel (a peninsula in New Zealand’s upper North Island, beloved by Kiwis for its beaches and holiday homes and summer activities). Eighteen of those summers were spent with my ex-partner and his family, with my daughter added to the mix when…
Look at the World
I named my blog after the New Zealand bellbird (in Māori, korimako) - and not just because my last name is Bell. I have always loved birds: for their beauty and intense fragility, the sense of freedom they represent, and for their song. The bellbird is particularly gorgeous. The explorer Captain Cook wrote of its…
Fear, change, and how to combat the hate
And I know I am solid and sound;To me the converging objects of the universe perpetually flow;All are written to me, and I must get what the writing means.-Walt Whitman I'm thinking today about the enormous upheavals we have all experienced this year, and about my own fear of uncertainty, and the challenge of change.…
Walk The Track With Me
A Milford Track highlight: The view over Clinton Valley from Mackinnon Pass (Photo my own) A while ago I wrote about walking the Milford Track solo. It's one of New Zealand's Great Walks, and one of the most famous walks in the world. Today and for the next three Fridays it's being published on Stuff.co.nz:…
Patricia Bell, Author 