My mother died on Christmas Eve last year. I'm heading down to Nelson soon to be with my dad on the first anniversary of her death. I may not write about it. I'm not sure how I'll feel. But here's a piece I wrote while she was dying, in late November or early December 2021.…
My Mother has Dementia
My mother was diagnosed with dementia almost two years ago. My father found her spooning marmalade into a wine glass. That, along with her slurred words, her frustrated struggle to form coherent sentences, and her propensity to sleep most of the day were early clues. After a puzzling few months during which none of us…
Heartbeat
I have one beautiful daughter, but making her wasn't simple. I lost two pregnancies before conceiving her, and three after her, while trying for a second. I started this story years ago and dug it out and finished it just today. It attempts to put into words my belief that our children will always be…
Mother
I take your hand as we prepare to cross the road. You sigh into the safety of me, and I grip tighter to tell you that I love you. I kiss your forehead as you sleep and as you breathe in, breathe out, your face free from pain in loose and dreamy folds I straighten…
A Letter to my Daughter
To my daughter, This is your last week of primary school. I couldn’t let it go by without writing to you. It’s what I do to process my thoughts and feelings; to line things up in my mind until they make sense and form some sort of pattern; to express what sometimes cannot be said…
Before You
Once upon a time (actually, ten years ago today) I screamed and swore my way through 24 hours of excruciating labour before a disturbingly cheerful surgeon sliced open my stomach at 3am and pulled out a tiny wailing creature who would prevent me from sleeping/weeing on my own/having any peace/existing as an autonomous adult for…
A trio of poems
In honour of World Poetry Day (which was actually yesterday), I thought I would re-publish three of my own poems - poems that are dear to me in very different ways. The first I wrote for my daughter, the most precious thing in my life. It tries to capture those moments in the wee small hours…
Less really is more
Here is another poem inspired by my daughter. It's amazing how an everyday task can spark a creative impulse. At first I tried to make the poem much longer, and sat for a number of hours trying to come up with more clever and intricate word plays and puns. In the end, I just went with the few,…
Narnia Revisited
I've started to read C.S. Lewis's classic The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe to my seven-year-old daughter. She's past the stage of having to look at pictures on every page of a book. She can now sit still, eyes wide and settled on the middle-distance, listening to the story and letting it come to life…
A Different Child
As some of you know, I have one child - not by choice. I wrote about my struggles to have a second child and my experience of recurrent miscarriage and secondary infertility in this article, which was published in a New Zealand magazine last year. I wanted to share my journey for selfish reasons - cathartic…
Patricia Bell, Author 